I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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