She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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