So drunk its hurt
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
