tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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