my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize