Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
