I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
