That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
