Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you would pick up someone in the library
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
