Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
