ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize