So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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