if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
