hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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