Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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