I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
