she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
