Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
