Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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