if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
