An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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