I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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