nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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