If that was your dad, he is hot
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
birth control should be required to get into college
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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