so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
