It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
