I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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