i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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