I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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