Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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