Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize