Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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