Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
