i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it hurts more in the daytime
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
