My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize