You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
