Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
