There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
