I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
