she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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