Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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