girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
