then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
