when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
