I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
