I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
