Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
