the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
