i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
