Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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