Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
