I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
