dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I deserve this hangover.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
