My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
