Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
