you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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