I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
