I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
