i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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