After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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