Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
