need another drink. this is the easiest way
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
