Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
