oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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